So f*&! fame, and f*&! money
And f*&! everything anyone can take from me
It ain't hard, to make money
A young nigga I'm just tryna be legendary
Tryna be, I'm just tryna be, I'm just tryna be
I'm just tryna be legendary
-Wale
Hey Friends,
Can I just say that getting fit and staying in shape has been my thing lately, I’m getting my dream body by any means necessary (well not any means, but you get what I’m saying), and no matter how long it takes. Like seriously, I’m up early (most mornings) in the gym, on somebody’s trail, or my favorite place at the National Mall taking in the scenery and enjoying my city with a good walk, jog, or run. I mean I’m no Flo Jo, but I’m good for a good 3 miles in 45 minutes and that’s an accomplishment for me! I mean just three years ago I broke my ankle in a car accident that was meant to take me out (But God!) and I’m out here getting it in on the regular. But can I have a truth moment real quick, and admit that sometimes I get a little discouraged when I’m out there watching people run past me, like legitimately in my feelings. And the crazy thing is every now and then I get in my head and begin to convince myself that I’m not doing good enough. Like girl...a couple of years ago you were learning to properly walk and move your left foot again, “are you serious?” And the unfortunate part of this is, I’m sure I’m not alone on this island of comparison land.
Here’s the thing, we are groomed from early on that the best measure of success was to look at what others were doing and strive for that. Ok you don’t believe me, let's take a trip down memory lane and think back to kindergarten and those shiny gold stars you used to get for doing a good job. Nine times outta ten I’m sure your teacher like mine (Shout out to Mrs.Doss) said if you do your task, you get a gold star. But this wasn't done in private, she either put it on your shirt for you to flaunt all day or on a chart for everyone to see. Now all day you are trying to exhibit/emulate the behaviors of those “friends” who have been able to obtain the oscar of kindergarten, the most sought after reward, that gold star. Yes, it got teachers the desired behaviors, but if we are being honest if you were anything like me you spent the day trying to figure out what you needed to do to get that reward like those classmates that were praised for their good behaviors and achievements .
Ok, back to 2020 where I’m trying to get a different kind of gold star. I mean, there are the instagram likes, the “yesssss queens”, and the best comment a Black person can give “I’m trying be like you when I grow up”, up until recently this was it for me. Because I know I am not the only one who painted this picture where I would be married by 25, 2 kids, and a 4 bedroom house with a white picket fence. Let social media tell it, I’m a little off target. What I have learned is that I can't be focused on keeping up with the Jones’, because my last name is Adamson, well at least until someone changes that (patiently waiting) .
The other day while scrolling on the gram, I saw a meme that said “Sis the rules are fake, do you”, because seriously who made them up, I need to have a talk with them! I wonder how many things you are doing because you are trying to meet an expectation that you don't even know where it came from? Or because someone else said that’s the way it’s supposed to be? I’m not sure who told you it had to be that way, but do you sis everyone else is already taken. Lately, I have become the manifest queen, if I want it, I’m envisioning it and then I’m going after it. But, I have to check myself to make sure I’m not praying for something because I see someone else with it!
The reality is, we are all influenced by something or someone but remember this, people only allow you to see what they want you to see, you’re just getting the highlight reels of the best of the best moments of their lives. The problem with comparing yourself to others is that everyone processes stress differently, and it’s damaging to your mental health to endure the pressures of attempting to re-live someone else’s experiences without the raw and uncut playbook. Allow yourself the opportunity to set the tone for what it means for you to be your own definition of happy, healthy, whole, but also allow yourself grace when struggle arises, it’s not going to be perfect! One way to start is by merely saying “I accept myself unconditionally, right now!” . We got this sis, I’m rooting for us to win!
BGH Tip #8 Create a list of 5 affirmations that you tell yourself daily, regarding who, where, what, and whose you are! When you find yourself indulging in comparisons, stop yourself in that moment and remind yourself that your self-concept is being threatened and it’s time to get back focused using your affirmation statements!
Until next time take care of yourself, I love you and I mean it.
Signed,
